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  1. #11
    Banned qwerty's Avatar
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    Life.
    Padilen likes this.

  2. #12
    Junior Member the weiand one's Avatar
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    A magician is driving down a road then he turns into a driveway.......................
    SanDue and jtomelliott49 like this.

  3. #13
    Senior Member GaryL's Avatar
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    This is the story of the blonde flying in a two-seater airplane with just the pilot.

    He has a heart attack and dies.



    She, frantically calls out a May Day. "May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My pilot had a heart attack and he's dead and I don't know how to fly. Help me! Please help me!”



    She hears a voice over the radio saying:

    "This is Air Traffic Control, retired Marine fighter pilot, and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I've had a lot of experience with this kind of problem. Now, just take a deep breath.

    Everything will be fine!



    Now give me your height and position.”



    She says, "I'm 5'4" and I support Obama.”



    "O.K." says the voice on the radio.... "Repeat after me: Our Father, Who art in Heaven....."



    Mel, Fred, Dryden-Tdub and 5 others like this.
    Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
    If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

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  5. #14
    Senior Member Fred's Avatar
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    A beautiful Swedish blonde walks into a Vegas casino and goes straight to the roulette table. She smiles to the two dealers and bets $20,000 on one spin.


    "I hope you don't mind," she says in a dreamy voice, "but I feel much luckier naked..." and she peeled off all her clothes, staying completely naked. "Come on, baby, mommy needs a new set of clothes!"


    The roulette wheel stops on 13. "I won I WON!!!" Shouts the blonde and jumps in the air in excitement


    She collects the winnings and her clothes, hugs the dealers and disappears.


    The two dealers looked at each other in shock, until one of them pulled himself together and ask: "Did she bet on 13?"


    "I don't know," said the other dealer. "I thought you were looking..."
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  6. #15
    Senior Member Fred's Avatar
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    And of course we should have some lawyer jokes in honor of out learned barrister friend Borneo ( lawyers tend to have the best lawyer jokes anyways).
    .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ............................................th-17.jpeg
    ........................................
    An investment counselor went out on her own. She was shrewd and diligent, so business kept coming in, and pretty soon she realized she needed an in-house counsel, so she began interviewing young lawyers.
    'As I'm sure you can understand,' she started off with one of the first applicants, 'in a business like this, our personal integrity must be beyond question.' She leaned forward. 'Mr. Borneo, are you an *honest* lawyer?'
    'Honest?' replied the job prospect. 'Let me tell you something about honesty. Why, I'm so honest that my father lent me fifteen thousand dollars for my education and I paid back every penny the minute I tried my very first case.'
    'Impressive..... And what sort of case was that?'
    The lawyer squirmed in his seat and admitted, "He sued me for the money."
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  7. #16
    Senior Member Fred's Avatar
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  8. #17
    Banned qwerty's Avatar
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    Now, I would hire that lawyer because a dishonest lawyer would never admit that.

  9. #18
    Senior Member arbolmano's Avatar
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    What's the term for a truly loathsome lawyer? "Congressman"
    Tallahasseetw likes this.
    Will Stagg on the "Left Coast"

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  10. #19
    Senior Member Fred's Avatar
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    OK, since Tom gave us engineer jokes on National Engineers Day how about another one:

    A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
    The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
    The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
    [dramatic pause]
    "Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
    The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
    The group was silent for a moment.
    The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
    The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
    The engineer then said, "Why can't these guys play at night?
    johjon, tcepilot, grewen and 3 others like this.
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  11. #20
    Senior Member GaryL's Avatar
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    BUMP!

    The Gates;

    Saint Peter is sitting at the Pearly Gates when two guys wearing dark hoodies, and sagging pants, arrive.

    St. Peter looked out through the Gates and said, "Wait here. I’ll be right back." St. Peter goes over to God's chambers and tells him who is waiting for entrance. God says to Peter: "How many times do I have to tell you? You can't be judgmental here. This is heaven. All are loved. All are brothers. Go back and let them in."

    St. Peter goes back to the Gates, looks around, and lets out a heavy sigh. He returns to God's chambers and says, “Well, they're gone."


    “The guys wearing hoodies?" asked God. St. Peter replied, "No -- The Pearly Gates."
    Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
    If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.

    2006 TW200
    2006 XT225
    Kubota BX2370 Subcompact tractor with snow blower
    Wilderness System Ride 115 fishing Kayaks
    1974 Boston Whaler Montauk
    1989 Lowe Lunker

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