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  1. #1
    Senior Member Fred's Avatar
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    Jokes and Funny Stories

    Time to resurrect a humor thread. Got any good stories, gags, jokes? Here is a repeat of one I posted on average age thread. Surely you folks have better ones, let's hear them!
    .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. .................................................. ..............................................
    Hear tell there was a happily married couple both 65 celebrating their wedding anniversary when a wish granting fairy showed up anxious to give them each a wish. Well the wife said she was happy as can be, thanks anyways. The husband ponders for a minute then sheepishly says that he would kinda prefer a wife 30 years younger than him. "OK" says the fairy and "POOF" suddenly the man is 95 years old.
    Just goes to show be careful what you wish for and be aware that fairies are female.
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    Senior Member Dryden-Tdub's Avatar
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    I suppose I will ask. Any rules?


    Tom
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    Senior Member Joemama's Avatar
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    I have an electrician friend that when his wife turned 40 told her that he was going to trade her for 2 20 year olds. She said that would never work became he is not wired for 220.
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    Senior Member Borneo's Avatar
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    Albert Einstein didn't have a driver's license so he had to ride the bus to get back and forth to his job at the university. He was a sociable guy and he like to talk to the other passengers, but he always tried to keep his conversation to their level. He got on the bus one day and asked the fellow sitting next to him "If you don't mind do you know what your I Q is"? The fellow says 170 so Einstein says "Well I'm Albert Einstein, have you heard of my theory of relativity" and they discussed that for the rest of the ride. The next time he gets on the bus there's a young woman sitting next to him, so he asks her "If you don't mind, do you know what your I Q is"? She said 120, so Einstein says "So what do you think of the political situation in the country" and they talked politics for the rest of the ride. The next time he gets on the bus there's a guy sitting there and Einstein asks him "If you don't mind do you know what your I Q is'? The guy say 70, so Einstein says "So, did you get your deer yet"?
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    Member Animal's Avatar
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    MY FIRST IRISH DRINK WITH MY SON

    I was reading an article last night about fathers and sons, and memories came flooding back of the time I took my son out for his first pint.

    Off we went to our local pub which is only two blocks from the house.

    I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.

    Then I got him a Stroh’s, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.

    It was the same with the Molson's and the Labatt's.

    I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Jameson's, nope!

    By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink I was so fookin' shit-faced I could hardly push the stroller back home!
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    Senior Member Dryden-Tdub's Avatar
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    A Geologist and an engineer are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY. The Geologist leans over to the Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

    The Geologist persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to sleep.

    The Geologist now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $50!"

    This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Geologist asks the first question. "What's the distance from the Earth to the moon?"

    The Engineer doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the Geologist.

    Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Geologist, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four?" The Geologist looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

    After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.

    The Geologist is more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks, "Well, so what's the answer?"

    Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Geologist $5, and turns away to get back to sleep.





    Tom
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    Two old men on the corner and one sez "you know, I think my wife has died". The other sez"what do you mean you THINK your wife has died "? "Well," the first one says, "the sex is about the same as it always wuz, but the dishes are piling up."
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    Senior Member Dryden-Tdub's Avatar
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    So a second year engineering student walked down the campus and saw his class mate with a shiny new bike and he ask: Wow that's a nice bike, when did you get that?

    His classmate answered: You won't believe this, I was just walking along and a good looking blond girl with this bike stopped right in front of me. She then proceeds to take off her cloth and said "take whatever you want".

    The engineering student applauded his classmate: Great choice, her cloth won't fit you anyways.




    Tom
    Never, in the history of mankind, have lives, less lived, been so well chronicled.

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    Senior Member Fred's Avatar
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    On a serious note is worth mentioning that 25% of American women are on some sort of mental health medication. This means the remaining 75% are wandering around untreated.
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    Senior Member Dryden-Tdub's Avatar
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    Two brooms are getting married. Before the ceremony, the bride broom says to the groom broom, "I think I'm going to have a whisk."
    The groom broom says, "How can that be? We haven't even swept together!"


    Tom
    Never, in the history of mankind, have lives, less lived, been so well chronicled.

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